Two years ago I bought a new car. Well, it's a used car but it was new to me - a shiny 2005 Audi A4 Avant with a spiffy 3.2L engine and Quatro drivetrain. Perfect for heading up to the mountains for some skiing or snowboarding and it's very fun in the canyons. Not nearly as fun as my motorcycle, but fun.

I've come to believe the car is cursed though and I'm just waiting for 'the next incident' to happen. The story so far:

Shortly after I got the car the computer started complaining about my headlights - beep-beep-beep. After a couple of trips to the dealer they ended up replacing one of the headlamps as some connector or another was broken.

It came with these nice leather seats with all kinds of electrical adjustments and four memory-settings none of which actually worked. A couple of trips to the dealer and they replaced the whole seat-memory-module-thingy (technical term).

Someone hit my rear bumper in the center while the car was parked - just a scratch to be sure but very annoying.

Someone scraped their tire along the front-driver-side wheel-well leaving it all scuffed up. I suspect one of those idiot raised trucks with 64" tires. Not for off-roading, mind you, just cruising on PCH 10 feet up.

Someone hit my rear bumper again, this time the passenger-side corner, and again, just a scratch
A rock came flying at me on the freeway leaving my windshield chipped - by now I'm laughing at this stuff.

Meanwhile the beeping continues though, just for other lights, it almost seems like it's moving around the car - right brake light, right rear turn signal, left reversing light, left rear brake light, etc. the computer always thinks a light is out even if it isn't. The dealer never actually fixes it, I guess they just reset the computer and send me on my way. Two weeks later it's beep-beep-beep every time I start the car.

Over Christmas I got to see my family in Norway for a while and my neighbor stores the enormous cardboard box that his 60" TV came in in my garage. When I get back from Norway and have to get my car out of the garage I have to pull the box out first. My garage is small you see, if I fold the mirrors in (another neat feature) and park within 2 inches of the right wall I can just barely get in and out of the car and as a bonus I can fit my motorcycle in there as well, tucked all the way into the far left corner on a rear-stand. Anyway, I pull out the huge cardboard box and start backing up - being very careful not to hit the mountain of cardboard behind me to the left. Inching back, keeping a keen eye on the box I hear a loud thump-and-scratch sound - DOH! Focusing on not hitting the cardboard box which is made of rather soft CARDBOARD I manage to hit my garage with the front-passenger side wheel-well - I get out to survey the damage, call myself all sorts of names, slam the garage door shut, shrug and drive off.

Now, I haven't fixed any of the scratches yet so the car isn't as shiny as it used to be - I keep delaying taking it to the dealer.

Come February it's time to go to South Utah for a bachelor party and some snowboarding. The guys rented a large house close to the slopes, the photos look sick! We're positively giddy! My neighbor and I load up my car with all out gear and get ready for a long drive with a bonus stop in Vegas on the way.

We get going a little late so by the time we're close to Barstow it's about 10 pm. Dark. A tall center-median blocks out any light from the other side of the freeway. Traffic is light and my neighbor is getting ready to take a nap while I'm cruising along in the fast lane going about 90 mph (if you're a cop or an insurance agent reading this; it's a lie to make me seem cooler than I am. Real speed - whatever the speed limit was).

Suddenly! About 10ft in front of me! Rolling out from the left shoulder! A huge tire-with-rim-still-in comes rolling towards me at a slight angle and smacks into the hit the right at the left headlamp! BANG! My eyes are wide open, holding the steering wheel tightly with both hands. My passenger; sleepy no more - "What the F*** was that?" "A tire," I say hitting the hazard lights, checking my mirrors as I start making my way over towards the right shoulder.

By the time I'm in the slow lane the steering is as sluggish as it gets and I need to stand slightly up from my seat to brake - hydraulics are gone. We finally come to a stop on the dark shoulder. I pop the hood, grab my camera and jump out of the car.  The cold wind howling and large semi-trailers with large beaming headlights whizzing by, I check out the damage - it's really ugly. Window-washer and hydraulics fluids are dripping down like the car just popped an artery and is bleeding to death on the side of the road. We realize we're not going to Vegas, or Utah, no bachelor party, no snowboarding, no hanging out with friends - just tow truck drivers and insurance agents. F-U-C-K.

Is this the end of the cursed car? Has it returned to the hell from whence it came? Will our hero prevail? Tune in next week for the exciting finale!